Thursday, January 12, 2012

Tears for a friend

This week, I've had a heavy heart.  My good friend Lisa's husband, Dave Allred passed away suddenly in the night.  He was only 54.  That's so young!  And, although Dave and Lisa have been together for about 4 years and have known each other for probably 20 years longer than that, they only just got married this summer- August 13, 2011 in a beautiful ceremony along the Boise River.  They were soul mates.

My heart is breaking for Lisa.

His memorial service yesterday was very nice.  It was at the Municipal Park near the Boise River.  The sun was shining and people told stories and played music.  It was the perfect celebration of his life.  He was a husband, a father, a step-father, a grandfather, a brother, an uncle, a cousin, a son, and a friend.  His two sisters Jamie and Jole are also good friends of mine, and my love went out to the whole family.

Since we found out about his passing though, all I can think about is how fragile life is.  My sister lost her husband 4.5 years ago to cancer, and our whole family misses Eric every single day.  He's was part of my life as long as I can remember, and its hard for me to even write my sister's name without his beside it-when I think Katie, I think Eric.  I can't imagine how Katie feels.  What would I do if my husband David passed away tomorrow?  I honestly don't know, and frankly, I hate to even consider it.  David is my soul mate, my best friend, and my partner in crime.  I would be lost without him.

We have so many dreams together that haven't even been started yet.  Dreams of travel, dreams of children, dreams of doing creative projects together, dreams of growing very very old together, and dreams of creating more dreams together.  Our lives are just beginning, and yet unlike the generation before us, we all started this phase of our lives later.  Most of my friends parents had them before the age of 35, yet most of my friends also haven't started having their own children until at least 35.  Not that I think that's a bad thing, but when doing the math, it does give me pause.

Also, maybe it's the New Year, or the full moon or something all together different, but I'm not the only person feeling this way.  In the past few days, some of my very close friends from around the world have called to chat out of the blue, and all of them have mentioned a similar theme without my prompting the discussion.  On the one hand, its kind of cool to think we are all on a similar wavelength, but on the other it makes me realize how much I take my life for granted.  And how much I take my friends and family for granted.

We all talked about the fact that because it is so easy to communicate these days, and yet we can never seem to find the time, thinking, "I'll just call her/him later."  Only "later" gets pushed back further and further, because we're always so busy.  Wasn't technology created to make our lives easier?

This life we live in these days is so much more complicated than the life of our parents, our grandparents, etc.  Communication has been made easy and commonplace, and yet because its so easy, we hardly ever really communicate with each other.  That is, except to post a note on Facebook or Twitter... send a text message or drop someone a two sentence email... but is that really communicating?

What I know for sure is that no matter how exhausted we are at the end of the day, taking that extra five or even 60 minutes to touch base with a loved one is so important.  Our friends and family make up our world... without them, life is meaningless.  And, like a marriage, all relationships take a bit of effort to nurture and grow.  I know I need to make more of an effort to let my family and friends know I love them, to call them and to see them and be part of their lives.  

David always says, "You are the person you are becoming."  I'm sure he's quoting someone, but I'm not sure exactly who... Buddha maybe?  Anyway, what he means is to make something happen we have to start taking the steps to make it happen.  Just talking about it or dreaming about it or even praying about it won't do anything without some sort of action... we have to make our luck-- make our dreams a reality.

I'm off to start work on a few of mine before life passes me by...


  1. I agree. We do not tell people in our lives how important they are to us. I think we should take more time to slow down and spend time with the people we love. Oh, and tell them how much they mean to you.

    Life is too short.

  2. Of all of my friends and family, you do the best job of communicating! From this blog to the hand written thank you notes, to skype and phone calls, you do not need to beat yourself up!! I have a stack of cards that I took with me to the mountains over new years to write to all of my friends...with no work or technology as a distraction, I still didn't write the notes. Though I have tons of packing to do tonight before the move tomorrow, I'm going to write at least one NOW!

    xoxo to you, Anabel!