Sunday, January 15, 2012

Still Thinking...

After my proclamation last week about announcing our decision regarding adoption or gestational surrogacy after our dinner discussion on Saturday, I'm sure some of you are wondering what we decided... well we haven't officially decided either way yet.  We had our formal dinner discussion as planned and came to the conclusion that we just need more time and more information to make our next move.

My gut tells me that we're both leaning toward trying to find a gestational surrogate, because when it comes down to it, however narcissistic it sounds, we both want to look at our children and be reminded of our moms or dads or brothers or sisters or of each other.  I'm curious about what a child made by David and me would look like- I'm so fair and he's so dark it could make for something very special!

Surrogacy has a myriad of different challenges of which we are currently weighing the pros and cons.  The first of course is finding a person willing to give up their body for a year to give us a child.  This is no small task.  The challenge isn't so much finding a person willing to offer, but finding a person willing to offer who has really identified all the risks and potential problems involved (such as the high probability of multiples, forced bed rest, and the worst of all infertility after due to complications in labor- not to mention the postpartum) and still wants to do it for us.  I mean we could very easily end up with this:

The next major concern for us is cost.  Can we do this without breaking the bank?  I think with proper planning, discussion, and thought, this could be a really beautiful process, bringing us incredibly close to the person carrying our baby. But that said, we wouldn't want to destroy a valued relationship by rushing into something unprepared either.

And then, there is the option of Adoption.  I love the idea of creating a family with a child who needs a loving home.  I know if we make the decision to adopt, we will jump in head first without second guessing it, and be happy as can be.  And, I also know we'd be amazingly loving parents to any child. However, there is still something giving me pause with adoption at this point.

As for my own health, my doctor's concern is a valid one, if I can get the Ulcerative Colitis under control again would pregnancy (specifically hormones) set me off again?  And would the baby get all the nutrients it needs from me, considering I have malabsorption problems?  To answer some of these questions, I've made an appointment to go see a fertility specialist/high risk pregnancy doctor at the end of the month to discuss all of the above options and all of my concerns.  This way David and I can make the most educated decision possible.

Right now, I can safely say no decision about our family will be made on any front until after that appointment, and what this all comes down to is: we're still not sure.

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to send a little note letting you know I am thinking of you and David and wishing you luck during this very difficult (I can imagine) decision-making process. Deciding to even START a family seems tough enough, and I have been somewhat saddened by so many other friends/family who have had difficulties. It will be amazing whichever way you go, and I think you are looking at all the sides of each option, and that's all you can do. The whole surrogacy thing is amazing to me and sounds quite powerful! Wishing you the best, and good luck with the tests too!