Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Linus and the "Cone of Shame"

A couple of weeks ago our dog, Linus broke his toe.  Well, his dew claw to be exact.  This was the second or third time it happened in his short 3 years of life, and each time caused him more pain.  We decided it was in his (and our pocketbook's) best interest to just have them removed.  Frankly, we should have had them removed when he was a puppy, but after reading the awesome dog book by Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain, I didn't have the heart to do it at the time... even now I feel a little guilty.

Here is an excerpt from the book, in case you haven't read it:
"I’ll give you a theory: Man’s closest relative is not the chimpanzee, as the TV people believe, but is, in fact, the dog.
Witness my logic:
Case-in-Point #1: The Dew ClawIt is my opinion that the so-called dew claw, which is often snipped off a dog’s foreleg at an early age, is actually evidence of a pre-emergent thumb. Further, I believe that men have systematically bred the thumb out of certain lines of dog through an elaborate process called “selective breeding”, simply in order to prevent dogs from evolving into dexterous, and therefore “dangerous”, mammals.
I also believe that man’s continued domestication (if you care to use that silly euphemism) of dogs is motivated by fear: fear that dogs, left to evolve on their own, would, in fact, develop thumbs and smaller tongues, and therefore would be superior to men, who are slow and cumbersome, standing erect as they do. This is why dogs must live under the constant supervision of people, and are immediately put to death when found living on their own.
From what Denny has told me about the government and its inner workings, it is my belief that this despicable plan was hatched in a back room of none other than the White House, probably by an evil adviser to a president of questionable moral and intellectual fortitude, and probably with the correct assessment — unfortunately, made from a position of fear-driven paranoia rather than of spiritual insight — that all dogs are progressively inclined regarding social issues. 
Case-in-Point #2: The WerewolfThe full moon rises. The fog clings to the lowest branches of the spruce trees. The man steps out of the darkest corner of the forest and finds himself transformed into… A monkey? I think not."

Linus is a big baby about everything, especially the vet (I blame David, who spoils him rotten) so I was especially worried about how he would handle surgery.  When I picked him up, the vet brought our little drugged-up boy out to see me... with a cone on his head.  Between the drugs and the cone, Linus would hardly move.  It was so sad.

I couldn't help but laugh at his drunken swagger and his lack of spacial awareness due to the cone.  He ran into everything!  I text-ed David immediately and told him Linus was wearing the "cone of shame."  This is another pop culture reference to the animated film, "Up."

Today, Linus is finally getting his stitches removed!  And hopefully no more cone... and no more vet bills!

Wish him luck!

No comments:

Post a Comment